Killing my life by myself

Dont know why but now a days I hardly talk with someone in common. Its not that I dont want to - but then I feel I make others sad - so I prefer not to . I am showing my presence in everywhere but I keep myself in a corner so that noone can stare . Recently I have been chatting with a guy who is all stranger to me- knows nothing about me - not because I am in need a new entry in my good friends list - but because he is a stranger - a stranger who knows nothing. Yesterday I told him everything -

• Sanchayita Sarkar

  tumhe pata y i tlk wid yu ?
• 

  23:23

  He..

  naa

  kaha gyi spider dikhayi de gya kya
• 

  23:27

  Sanchayita Sarkar

  q ki yu r a total stranger for me - sm1 jo mujhe - mere frenz- meri life - mere issues- mera kuch bhi nahi janta . & aajkal mujhe known persnz k sath rehne mey sad lgta - coz waha i need to fake smile - coz wo dukhi ho jate widout me smile-altho thy knw tat m faking it -bt still a bit satisfied wo. bt yaha wid yu - yu being a strngr - i can sty angry & sad till i want . or i cn be me - me tats detached now a dys - jisko kisi se ni miilne ka ya baat krne ka mann .. logo k cllz msgz txtx sabse rona aata .. bt waha nii ro pati to yaha yu ajnabi - kuch b bol lo - yu ll accpt i knw -coz yu dnt knw me na so
• 

  23:27

  Sanchayita Sarkar

  _____ meko ye sab nii bolna tha yu ko - bt thn i thot i shud say jo h . i mean frendshp jaan pehchn ofcrs h - but its smthng jo shayd hi ab yu k nd mere alawa koi ko pata hoga

  _____ i guess mene dukhi ni kara coz me karna ni chahti ti .. me bss bta ri k wanna b sad & angry whnevr wid yu -coz woi mera mood h nw a dys-& dusro sath i cant sty that . na hi mai cut off kr skti sabse- coz tb sab puchnge - kya hua-nd i dnt wanna reply kisi ko

  ______" Lol see I have the guts too .. heheh .. neways . he accepted & showed no issue with it .

  Moving ahead - I have realised that m pissing my friends in this way too shayad. Umm specifically saying pissing arora & panky . Or might be am wrong . Arora knows mostly - she had accepted- but then she is right in her way - how can I stay apart from her-no whatsapp no fb nuthng- trust me girl even I miss yu - but then I think if yu be wid me - i ll make yu sad- & i dont want tat . Will surely come back with the chats & texts within sometiime- time when I will be in *out of torture mode* . luv yu truly- I need your support . dont leave me at least .

  
  

  Secondly panky - mujhe lag raha hai that he is angry too.. I mean i have noticed- not talking mese- shayd me galat - but lag raha ab meko to. Ye banda be ajib inno h .. khud dukhi reh sakta - but dusro ko dekh nahi skta . I truly respect him - srsly spkng agar mera bby boy ho in future kabi to - bada hoke he shud me like my mr.guddst ..hehehe .. He smiles mostly - no matter what- although I know he is having a tough time too- tough with luv - wid his frend- but hardly shows-& show kar bhi deta to never accpts. & so when I am in my worst mood- I dont want him to get offended or a sour mood coz of me . ALtho meri chuppi se bhi he is pissed - but thats better than getting pissed coz of rondu typ baatein right. Hope ye dono meko replace na kar de :( ya luv kahi kam na ho . But what shud I do. I need time - time for a month or so. I ll be back like before- trust me . Kya kahu .. I come ol - i chat - i comment-i laugh-just like before-but I cant do that all the time ..Why dunno - Buss inna pata that I need to keep silent for sometime- Bohot bol liya shayad . Newys- luv yu too. *srsly wala* . & stay with me - plzo.