saturday !

7 Times likh chuki but my backspace took everything . Wo bhi nahi chahta that I should let anybody know whats goin on with me now.

you better not stay happy - as even m not .. cry - be rude- harsh - nd kill d world .. thats all you can do ..

off .. 

Ignorance

When someone strange - who matters nil to us- ignores us - we hardly care.
But when, someone close to you ignores you- for no reason you are aware - suckz a big time on your life to get over it right ?

* yu dont know why you are being ignored.
* yu are unware of what went wrong
* yu might realise that ur frenz teased yu so much tat the other got frustrated
* yu might understand that further cllz & texts from you might bother the other one
* yu understand that yu need to show others that all is well
* yu know you are writng it secrtly bt thrz few ones who ll surely go thru it & yu r afraid
* yu get thru that frendship was about indepndnc not senti stuffz to hamper d coolness * dumb emo fool*
* & at last yu r left wid the only option of ignoring the other character just to make *** realise that * m happy without u just the same yu r *

when nobody gives a damn to what yu think or for them its just a stupidity to sit & write about some frend sitting miles away # never met # when he dont even cares - for me - its like noting down few never said words - so that __________________________________. let tat be within me - else the chudail reading dis ll be again shooting her 10000000000 doubts :P 

17.07.2013

There comes a time when yu dont need a reason to be sad - you are sad coz theres something which is struck within you .

# something which is killing you inside .
#something which stays in your mind till you are awake.
#something which you might recall but not accept.
& at the end of the day you come up with nothing but asking yourself " why i dint smiled today ? "

Might be it was because of the irritating people you met around during your day in office.
Might be it was because your students pissed off your mind to the fullest extent.
Might be its for the regular marriage followups by your parents.
Or might be something else-But then all i need to know is why such depressions curb me when there are no fixed solutions to them- why i need to be sad for thingz -which dont even matters for the world..

The matter doesnt end here ..you are sad - but you HAVE to pretend to be normal - coz if the world comes to know about your sadness - you will die answering 100000000 questions-to which theres not even fixed replies-& then you understand that its better to fake a smile then to overcome the doubts & question marks of the rest..

* You cant go offline in whatsapp- else peepz will follow asking " are you sad ? y nt thr in watsapp? "
* You are bound to be there in fb-else they will conclude you are crying for some unnecessary thingyz.
* You should use a smily in every chat reply- otherwise-answer them why your mood is off ..
*You should behave as d jolly girl- else you need to give an explanation for your low mood.

Friends afterall-they can get you-however hard to try to disguise yourself.. & thats the worst thingz al times..coz neither you can explain it to themselves- nor you can lie..

But then the same question lies-how are you supposed to tell anyone anything when you yourself dunno - whats wrong.

I might overthink / overreact / too senti to handle / too stupid to be normal - but thats me right- cant change myself- although i wish i could .. coz i envy people when they feel nothng even if the whole world shatters-for them its just life- which goes on..

ps- i wish i hd known why i have nt smiled today

You are no SPECIAL ..

In life with time - our priorities changes - so does our relations .. With few we spend thousand hours together & still cant accept that tat person as a friend - & with some we just spend a few moments and feel like being with him more.. We feel that we cant have a much better friend than him - to whom we can share sabkuch - without thinking back for a second- whatever that might me - starting from what we like to how much we hate few of our neighbours ..even if it is about the most silliest girlish talk - we dont care to think before sayng it to that person ..S U R P R I S I N G !!

In my case - i have got such frendship more than once..but both the times the situations were different although ..one was with dodo & the next was with * .. dodo was someone who cared lyk anything - he knew my every move.. he knew me well than anybody ..He dint need my words to know about what I wanted to say - he understood me in the best ways .. But as its said - good things dont last longer - same went wid us - we stud separated - dnt evn knw where he is .. but thn still miss him the utmost - coz till now nobody has understud or protected me in that way..

Now comes the second one.. if dodoz was the north pole - this guy stands in the south .. caring ? dur dur tak nahi :P meko janna ? uh he dont even understands my straight forward lines :/ silence dur ki hi baat h :P jo bhi i like - this banda hates - & jo bhi he likes - i hate B|

but then .. he knows that he is the one with whom i share all the sillie me .. from nothng to evrythng - he is the 1st one mostly to know it frm me .. & to my luck he knows it pretty well that how much i adore him as a frend .. not bcoz he is *the always wanted boy* .. but bcoz after dodo i hav found him that much comfortbl to share out my silliness..

However .. for him m just like the rest of the crowd .. I stand nowhere might be.. He takes me as his other frendz - & he dont care a bit while sayng " dunno y ppl or yu think tat i be special wid yu - howeva mai jesa tumhare sath hu same dusro sath bhi .." I know ths..know ths frm the very begnng .. & I have nevr demanded sayng " no yu hav to call me ur bestfrn" nope.. coz i know that m not that diffrnt frm rest .. But still na.. jitne baar he reminds me of this - utne baar i feel shattrd & strt feeling that I shud release him from my self .. at times i feel i have chaind him in some unwanted frendship - i shud give him way - but d next moment m afraid of loosing him .. I know how it hurts to stay away from ur best buddiez.. so i try avoiding his harshnss ..But wohi .. kab tak ? there will be a time jab we wont be talking anymore - tab what ll happen ..

He says he has gone through such stages earlier - so it dosnt matter for him - whoeva cumz or leaves his lyf..even I have faced those - but still i cant accpt it now..

Dunno how to handle or overcome such frendly traumaz lol :P jo bhi .. when i ll be nomore in his life - tab bhi he wont understand tat how much he meant to me - just lyk dodo - wo bhi nahi smjha k how much our frendshp still mattrz fo me ..

& the day he ll realise - i  wish jada der na ho jaye..

complicated dostiz #