I dont know what

I was not angry on her . Neither I felt bad . She said she was angry . even not for a long time- a short span. But she was. She thought that I ignored her. & it was not true. So what hurted me k why did that thought come up in her mind ? something wrong with my part ? was I really ignoring her ? no na ?

Even p/s said that "agar wo na batati to thiik tha- ab bandi ne bata diya to galt ? " nahi yaar. ye itna jada kuch socha hua h hi nahi . Simple si baat thi - k mujhe bass thoda ganda laga. Jada aur koi galat nahi . chilla chilla k kehti hu tat yu guys mattr. Agar koi keh sakta h - to atleast mai soch to sakti hi hu na k wo ese q keh rahi h ? itna right h mujhe na ?

I mean . Sorry feel karwana nahi tha mujhe kisi ko . Why would I do that ? Kash mai itna bata pati k wo bandi kitna jada matter karti h mere liye . Over react kaha tha mere harkat ko aaj . No . thats all I could do .

I am sorry. sorry to both of you . & nothing else. ya kahu yaar. Kuch kehti hu to yu guys get depressed k mai q esi q hu nd all . I dont want this.

khair. Going kal . Dont know. whats more there in my fate.

luv nd misses kehne ka haq b shayad kho chuki .

arora - if yu r upset - plz thik ho ja. plz . i cant see yu sad. or not talking with me . yu nd bipasha are all I be with . Just thik ho ja. khayal rakh apna.

panky - just.

Confession & a Thank note..

The 50th post.. whoa .. Strange .. It started from a mere idea of penning down whatever unsaid & today m writing the 50th one. Thanx to arora..  * yu inspired*.. Got no different issue for this post . Just here to jolt down a confession & a note of thanx .

Confession for umm moving away from the social sites for the time being. Its the 5th day today - no fb - no watsapp - still zinda :P .. Lol . Trust me - even I wanna b back there- but then life is a bit stressed up & I dont want to make a mess between frenz & family . By next 8 days I will b back hopefully - lets see. If the mind & heart permits. But this is not what I wanna confess.. What I want is to say sorry to few people for letting them stay without me for the time being . Or for separating them from me - for some time . I m fucked up now days & I dont want them to get bothered coz of me- so . Give me some time - if god permits - I will be back .

Now d turn for the note of thanx . To ? Hehehe ,, To the very obvious person whose memories are safely here with me in my blog . To a friend who gave me some awesome times which urged me to write , some bittersome memories - which forced me to write , some genuine talks - which made me write.
Thanx. For being such a wonderful part of my friendzlist . Today we aren't talking. But it hardly matters . Jitna time we had together was worth for anything .No offence. I know yu are the rudest person . But accepted. I know yu don't care - but its fine. You were- yu are - & yu ll be cherished - humesha & forever .

Panky wala day :P

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^^ Reactivate kara account - with the thought k panky ka bdy &  mai group mey wish na karu - how is that possible. But fir se deactivate kar dia . thought k shayad ye thik nahi . Usey na acha lagey . & arora b shayad meko dekh k gussa kare to . To uda ayi . but saley ab tak usey kisi ne waha wish q ni kara :x :x :x :x :x nahid kaha h is vari :o :o :( ese kese chalega :( koi to karo >:( arora bsy wid mona na :( tabi :( warna uske alawa aur who >:( shail b ni h to ol :( ab :(

khair :/ happiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bdy panky -d .. callz not allowed yu ko :| so text i kr dia :/ senti baatei nd wishes b nii bhate yu ko :/ so aiwei bss kr dia :P out of all this - ik page banaya mene :o socho B| B| hu na awesome B| :P lol :( awesome kya :( bss senti to thi hi rudeness se iski :/ to bana dala B| ek teer se two nishane :P

arora ko bina dikhae panky ko kese batati :o somhw swtz managed to see.. usko bhaya to mene isko b dikha dia -d

Anyway - ja ri ab padhne :/ tata :/ >D< -*

#Arora luv teko - for everything .

#Panky - luv yu ko - for bdy thing. xD

#Shail - hate teko - fo nuthng ;) -*

Ps- bhagwaan g - save the relations from har buri najar . thats all I have with me - inko mat lena mese. plz .

To the boy .. & I know you wont ever read this :P

Naraj ho panky ? Dont say "who cares / or why should I " :/ Jaha tak I know you - naraj to ho . Pehli baat I dint leave you akele kahi pe . You are nd forever will me my mr.guddest . Whatever I did I did that for a reason. To be somewhere which creates mis understanding is not acceptable right. Better root out the cause of sadness & stay happy & together :) .

I seriously hate replacements - dont replace me ever ok >:(

Neways luv yu . dil se :)

& hope we stay d bestiz humesha & foever *muvie style* :P

<3 

if you read this someday

I called you to know if you are fine. You dint recieved. I then called panky- even he dint recieved. I know that calling someone at 11.45 pm is not a good idea. But you know na,if i decide i decide- no more changes. anyways. Have said almost everything in my texts. But there are somethings which i dont think i can say. You doubting me ? For not talking to you ? Simply there must b something wrong in my commitments that you had this doubt. Crap me.
#you were there with me when no one else was.
#with you i shared so many hidden storiez tat even i dont know the counts.
#you listened everything without a point.
# you read my silence more perfctly thn d rest. Evn i guess my hubby will envy yu for this.
#with every news i have you are the first name that pokes in my head to share.
#i dont have a real siso but everytime we had a gud time -i wished that if i had a sis like you.
With this much do you think i can ignore you & be with something else ? God knowz d answer too.
Dont know but you clutched my words today gurl.
I hope you talk to me soon. I cant stay like this to you. & even the thought of us not talking shivers me.
Luv as humesha

A day passed more

I hate it more jab all of a sudden I gt the urge to dial your number & talk - I mean why am I that stupid ? I know you don't want to even stay my friend, I know you have ignored me crossing all limits, I know you don't even think about me - & still I feel like talking to you ? With each day passing I miss you more. Its not about missing its all like I need to be with the person who for me was a perfect friend.

Its silly but whenever I think about you only one thing comes up in my mind & that is that only I am thinking about you - you are not even bothered about me - might be busy with some good friends or like that . I envy . I should not but - can't help it .

Its been long time now that we have not talked. strange right ? Life has not stopped for either of us . But trust me I do miss you & god knows for what reasons. Now when you are not even in facebook - so I have no options to keep a check . Don't know where you are, how you are - just hope you are all well :)

Job lagi ? Results aa gaye sarey ? I hope I had somebody to answer these .

I will call you for sure - but not now. Not even in the coming few days or weeks . But someday I will . You will still remember me right ?

I hate myself for whenever I write about you the stupid eyes got filled up . Damn . Why don't they understand that I am strong enough . Just a friend . Not the whole world left that I should cry .

I hate staring at the moon as it stands as the meaning of your name - as you once said . If the moon can follow me wherever I go - why cant you be with me atleast for the being ? Miss you companion friend . & the heights - now when I got my old bestie back in my life- I even don't smile in his company . I am bad na ? I should not behave as such . But trust me - this behaiviour is not self made - its just I can't .

Anyway . miss you . stay happy & safe . I know if someday you read this you will say " pagal ho tum - life rukti nahi kisi k liye- itna bhi q sochti rehti ho " . But trust me - maine khud se kuch nahi kara. Its just happening with me . Ghar pe there is a big mess- shayad tum hotey to thoda sukun hi mil jata . I wish I could tell you .

Luv . Your friend 

gannnuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu g -D

Pranaam :) ..aapke darshan to kar liye aaj :) it was simply awesome.. aap itneee huggeeeeeeeeee.. baba re.. maja h na.. plus ekdum bright bright ^_^ .. A view which is beyond everything .. shaanti si milti h whenever i see you like this. Esa lagta h k there is nothing for me to worry jab ap jesa koi ho mere sath to . I feel supportive. Jab bhi festivals start hote - i feel a power. A power k jispe i depend everytime - for everyhin- wo mere sath isi dharti par hai. I feel k ab mere har issues I can share with you - jo ki last 1 year mey hua .. mann nahi hota k aaplogo k samne se jau .. bass bolti jau bolti jau - tatz what I feel.

Anyways .. aaj aapse tab jada baat nii ho pai - saw my papa na :| humesha jaldi mey rette :( ..so .. ab batao :o kese ho ? Dikh to badey awsm rahe the ;) .. M bhi fine :) * physically atleast* mentally ka yu know .. Was very happy aaj me pata..festive seasons started yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss :P ..aapko kesa lag raha aakey ? maja ? hmmmmm..sab bohot khush hote :) bass log thode aur jada bure ho gaye h - baki to apne jesa..

Mere ghar pe bhi sab thik :) yu know why.. & I just hope k ye jo fake khushi paal rkhi unhone ye tootey na- I cant see them broken-khaskar meri ma & dadi.. Dadi is too old for a broken heart now.. nd ma - unke sapne matters for me- i cant see her sad. you know what I am talking about right ? Big time yaar . Just ye cross ho jaye. & di says na k mahadev sab thik karte. I pray k unka thik & humara thik mismatch na ho.
sab thik hoga na ? plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz bhagwaan .yu know kitneeeeeeeee sapne bana liye ssabne-save them plz. if not for me- for them at least .plz plz plz.

Baki papa is awsm & cool lol .. ma ko pata na kitna gussa ata unke "no worries " wale nature se.hehhe e. rest of the members bhi yu know. save the smiles . plz.

Mujhe khud k liye kuch na chahiye. bass fo them.Itni help to kar doge na ?

Hmm its ur first day aaj.. hope yu enjoyed. & hoping k baki k dyz b enjoy karoge aap :) kisi se koi b galti hui to maafi :) Stay with me humesha-need your support.

Bless my family :) & ha as i say har time - is vari jitne mere members family mey - next year b utne i rahey - dont tk anybody -plz . mai nii reh pana kisi k bina . chahe to add .. but no minus ..

Luv yu bhagwaan . thanx ab tak sath dene k liye . hope agey b doge . bss make sure that my family smiles humesha & sab kuch acha ho - if yu knw what i mean .

Respect & regards 

just

A part of me still misses her bestest friend. A part of me still thinks about the person who was there for her unconditionally. A part of me still wonders about how all of a sudden everything went so wrong.

You are missed for sure- undoubtedly- nobody can fill up that emptiness -a friend you are or I should say *you were* . Such a friend that captured a special part in my list in the very shortest span.

What kills inside is the thought that the *missing* part is one sided. You are nil effected by the separation-got new friends . But that's fine for me now. I understood that I cant change anything. People are more stronger than me . Their decisions are the ultimate ones. I am here just to obey.

But still, I cant help it if I still miss you. I am tried faking that yes I don't care about the ignorance. I obviously do care - & how come I shouldn't ?

Any ways . Hope you are fine. Now that I have no means to get news about you - I can just hope for your well being.

Take care buddhuest. Miss you